When Pain Persists

When it dawns on us that our pain has been around for a while and everything we have done hasn't made it go away, we face the realization that our pain is probably here to stay. If that's happened to you, please know it's natural to feel hopeless and in despair sometimes. And you are in good company. Many of us feel like you do. Our lives will never be the same; so much has changed. My pain journey began as a child, as have many of our journeys. Irreparable nerve damage from a botched surgery in 2012 cascaded into invasive lobular breast cancer and a dysregulated autonomic nervous system.

The loss of my beloved son Chris during the pandemic was like a tsunami, on top of a tsunami, on top of a tsunami. But I've learned a few things about how to chip away at this monolith of pain because I've had to. As Michelangelo said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” Pain of every kind strips away the masks we feel we have to show the world. It's possible to get to the essence of who we really are, deep down, when we suffer any type of pain. But we can learn to regulate, at least some of our pain or the intensity of our pain, emotional and physical, by having tools for maintenance and emergency self care in all the domains of our life: Spirit, Mind, Body, Emotions, and Relationships.

Now that I have learned some tools for managing pain, I can reflect on some of the ways perhaps that I'm a better person than I might have been, without it.

I'm more compassionate when I see others who are suffering.
Because I live in a slower world, I have the opportunity to notice more beautiful things around me. There is so much good in our world, often unnoticed by the hurried and the distracted.
I'm able to do the things I want and need to do, including not doing, that is, to "do" nothing, to listen, see, and feel what the universe shows me and what it asks of me.
Acutely aware of the precarity of life, I have thought very intentionally about what matters most to me:
- Being with and there for the people for whom I care and who treat me with loving care too. Everything I do centers on this priority.
- Doing what I can to complete what I feel called to, to be obedient to that, and to do it for God's glory, not mine.
- Share what I've learned along the way with other folks who live every day with pain that does not go away.
I appreciate the good days and try to make the best of the not-so-good ones and to be grateful for all of them. As the poet Mary Oliver asks in the poem "Summer Day",
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?

Presentations

I am available to speak virtually (and in person at select locations in Southern California and north-west Montana) on the following topics, :

The Spirituality of Pain and Suffering
Three Good Things: Staying Optimistic Without Being Toxically Positive
The Brain in Pain (introduction and a series)
Empowered Relief (see tab): Held virtually (an in person at select locations), this 2-hour evidence-based pain management class was developed by a Stanford pain specialist. Email me at Judyfoy2023@gmail.com for information and to register.
Support Groups: I am a trained facilitator of the American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) and facilitate/co-facilitate no-charge support groups that meet monthly/bi-monthly. These meetings are held virtually and in person at select locations in Southern California and northwest Montana. In all ACPA support groups, facilitators have chronic pain themselves. The groups address the 10 steps “From Patient to Person” as well as topics selected by the members. Email me at JudyFoy2023@gmail.com for more information and to register for the one-hour meetings. For more information and other providers on the ACPA
For more topics, please see my "Talks, Webinars, and Workshops" tab.

Empowered Relief (see tab): Held virtually (an in person at select locations), this 2-hour evidence-based pain management class was developed by a Stanford pain specialist. Email me at Judyfoy2023@gmail.com for information and to register.
Support Groups: I am a trained facilitator of the American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) and facilitate/co-facilitate no-charge support groups that meet monthly/bi-monthly. These meetings are held virtually and in person at select locations in Southern California and northwest Montana. In all ACPA support groups, facilitators have chronic pain themselves. The groups address the 10 steps “From Patient to Person” as well as topics selected by the members. Email me at JudyFoy2023@gmail.com for more information and to register for the one-hour meetings. For more information and other providers on the ACPA

For more topics, please see my "Talks, Webinars, and Workshops" tab.

Feel free to reach out to me directly: JudyFoy2023@gmail.com

Book: The Brain in Pain: When Pain Persists (by Judy Foy, coming soon)