Finding Spiritual Growth in the Journey of Dementia Care Partnering
Caring for a loved one with dementia, including Alzheimer's disease, is often described as a "long goodbye." It's a journey filled with challenges, heartache, and it can also be a journey of profound love. As care partners, we find ourselves navigating a landscape of loss while our loved ones are still with us. Yet, within this difficult journey lies an opportunity for deep spiritual growth and a greater understanding of God's endless mercy and unconditional love.
The Reality of Loss
Partnering with someone with dementia is incredibly difficult. We watch as our loved ones slowly lose their memories, their ability to communicate, and even their sense of self. This gradual loss can be more painful than a sudden departure, as we grieve anew with each decline. And our loved one does too.
We may feel anger, frustration, and even guilt as we struggle to provide care with dignity, partnering with them for as long as possible. These feelings are normal and valid. It's important to acknowledge them and not judge ourselves harshly for experiencing them or our loved one for grieving the losses, too.
The Importance of Self-Care
As care partners, we often put our own needs last. However, to provide the best care for our loved ones, we must also care for ourselves. This isn't selfish; it's necessary. It’s putting your oxygen mask on first so you can be there for others.
When living with the person you're caring for:
- Set aside time each day for yourself, even if it's just 15 minutes
- Create a space in your home that's just for you
- Maintain connections with friends and family
When your loved one is in a separate location:
- Visit regularly, but also allow yourself time away
- Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation
- Seek support from others who understand your situation
Asking for and Accepting Help
Remember, you don't have to do this alone. Reaching out for help is a sign of strength, not weakness. Consider:
- Asking family members to share caregiving responsibilities
- Joining a support group for dementia caregivers
- Seeking and taking advantage of respite care services to give yourself a break
- Consulting with healthcare professionals for guidance
- An excellent free resource is Brain and Life: https://www.brainandlife.org/subscribe
- The Alzheimer's Association has many resources, as well: https://www.alz.org
Spiritual Growth in the Long Goodbye
While challenging, this journey can also be an opportunity for profound spiritual growth. As we care for our loved ones, we're reminded of our own mortality and the transient nature of life. This awareness can deepen our understanding of God's infinite mercy and unconditional love.
In Psalm 90, attributed to Moses, we're reminded of the brevity of human life compared to God's eternity. Verse 12 urges us to "number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom." Caring for someone with dementia brings this teaching into sharp focus, encouraging us to cherish each moment and seek deeper meaning in our lives. We come face to face with the reality of our own inevitable death every day when partnering with the loved one on this difficult journey. This brings the precious moments into sharp focus, as challenging as they may be.
Unconditional Love and God's Mercy
As we partner with our loved one, we often find ourselves loving without expectation of return. Our loved ones may no longer recognize us or be able to express gratitude, yet we continue to care for them. This selfless love mirrors God's unconditional love for us.
In the face of cognitive decline, we're called to see the inherent dignity and worth of our loved ones, just as God sees us. We don’t expect anything from them. This is just how God loves us. This perspective can help us grow in compassion, not only for our loved ones but for all people we interact with and people far away..
Finding Meaning in the Journey
While the path of dementia caregiving is undoubtedly difficult, it can also be transformative. We may find ourselves developing:
- Greater patience and compassion
- A deeper appreciation for the present moment
- Stronger connections with family and community
- A more profound understanding of love and sacrifice
Conclusion
Caring for a loved one with dementia, and partnering with them to the extent that they can help make decisions with dignity is one of the most challenging experiences we may face. Yet, within this journey lies the potential for tremendous spiritual growth. As we navigate the difficulties, may we also remain open to the lessons and blessings that come with this sacred task.
You are not alone in this journey. Reach out for support, practice self-care, and allow yourself to be transformed by this experience. In doing so, you honor both your loved one and your own spiritual path.
May you find strength, peace, and moments of joy as you walk this path of love and care.