JUDY FOY

Books for Bereaved Adults 

Books I personally recommend
Bernstein, Judith R. When the Bough Breaks. Forever After the Death of a Son or Daughter.
Bolton, Iris with Curtis Mitchell. My Son...My Son... A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss or Suicide.
Buechner, Frederick. Telling Secrets. A Memoir.
Cacciatore, Joanne: Bearing the Unbearable
Cobain, Beverly, and Larch, Jean. Dying to be Free. A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide.
Collins, Judy. Sanity and Grace. A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength.
D'Arcy, Paula: Gift of the Red Bird, A Spiritual Encounter.
Didion, Joan: The Year of Magical Thinking
Dobson, James. When God Doesn't Make Sense. Holding onto your faith during the hardest times.
Griefshare. Surviving the Holidays. A Survival Guide.
Holzer, Jason. Shattered by Suicide, Renewed by Resilience. How to Move Forward After Being Left Behind.
Hutchinson, Gloria. Damage Done. Suicide of an Only Son.
Kessler, David. Finding Meaning. The Sixth Stage of Grief.
Kushner, Harold S. When Bad Things Happen to Good People.
Leon, Elizabeth: Let Yourself Be Loved: Big Lessons From a Little Life
Lewis, CS: A Grief Observed
Lindbergh, Anne Morrow Lindbergh. Gift From the Sea
Mansbach, Adam. I Had a Brother Once. A Poem. A Memoir
Richardson, Jan. The Cure for Sorrow. A Book of Blessings for Times of Grief.
Rohlheiser, Ronald. Bruised and Wounded. Struggling to Understand Suicide.
Sittser, Jerry. When God Doesn't Answer Your Prayer. Insights to Keep You Praying with Greater Faith and Deeper Hope.
Taylor, Barbara Brown. Learning to Walk in the Dark.
Whitmore Hickman, Martha: Healing After Loss: Daily Meditations
Wolfelt, Alan. Healing a Parent's Grieving Heart. 100 Practical Ideas After your Child Dies. 

Reading specific to suicide loss
https://friendsforsurvival.org/helpful-books
https://www.wingsgrief.org/nans-published-articles
https://friendsforsurvival.org
Bolton, Iris with Curtis Mitchell. My Son...My Son... A Guide to Healing After Death, Loss or Suicide.
Buechner, Frederick. Telling Secrets. A Memoir.
Cobain, Beverly, and Larch, Jean. Dying to be Free. A Healing Guide for Families after a Suicide.
Collins, Judy. Sanity and Grace. A Journey of Suicide, Survival, and Strength.
Wolfelt. Alan D. The Wilderness of Suicide Grief. Finding Your Way,

Reading specific to traumatic death (homicide, suicide, and accidental death)
Wolfelt, Alan D. Healing Your Traumatized Heart

Helping someone you love who is grieving 
You might want to look at the lists above to see if perhaps one of these books might make an appropriate gift - My favorites were (still are) Jan Richardson's The Cure for Sorrow, A Book of Blessings for TImes of Grief and Martha Whitmore Hickman's Daily Meditations. I now also give my book Buttons and the Butterfly which is an appropriate, heartfelt gift for all ages. 

Also, Wolfelt, Alan. 100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone You Love Through Loss

Tips for what to do and what not to do to help the grieving

• Attend the memorial service if you are able (push yourself if you think you are not) especially if you are close family.
• The most painful response when someone's loved one has died (who may be someone you love too) is to do nothing, such as driving away.
• Nothing = something the person cannot see, hear, smell, or feel by physical touch.
  • Many people, myself included, do not think that turning an angel statue towards their direction is "doing something with love" because this is an action that only the giver can experience with the senses. 
• Expressing emotions towards someone can be a delicate matter. It's important to do so with sincerity and care, as the recipient can often sense when there is a lack of genuine feeling behind the gesture. Sending a bereavement card that is merely signed or failing to acknowledge a recent loss in an encounter can make the recipient feel that you don't care and alienated from you. It's crucial to show the same level of intimacy and thoughtfulness as before, if not more, when expressing emotions towards someone who is grieving. Their feelings and emotions should always be considered with empathy, compassion, and understanding if you have expectations and a desire to maintain this relationship.
• Communicating with someone who is grieving can be challenging, but it's important to remember that you have the power to make a difference in their journey. Don't rely solely on impersonal methods like text or email. Instead, make the effort to call or visit them frequently, ideally face-to-face. Remember, this is not just their journey, but yours too. By being there for them, you can show them that they are not alone and that they have your support. Even if it's difficult, know that your efforts can make a meaningful impact on their healing process.
• You have an opportunity to rise above bitterness, jealousy, pettiness, pride, and whatever created a distance before. You can rise to the occasion with love or you will be diminished by your failure to love.
• This is an opportunity to show the person that you care - if you do. Remember what Maya Angelou said: “I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.”
• Show them that you are thinking of them on anniversaries of the death, birthdays, and holidays by conveying something to their senses - feel by touch, see, hear, or smell
  • in perpetuity. Their loss is forever. Wouldn't you want them to know that you care forever? If not, stay away. If you stay away, they will assume you don't care. They are gathering their new community. Do you want to be a part of it or not?
• If you are afraid you'll say something wrong and don't know how to be with the person you care about who has lost someone they love start your journey by reading the Book of Job in the Bible. Do you want to be that kind of a friend or that kind of a family member to the one you love, who may not identify personally with Job? Do you want your relationship with them defined by your fear? If not, join a grief group, read, talk with other people who have encountered loss, and ask them what helped them and what didn't, grow so that you can be a part of the loved one's support system. Find your own. Learn. This is your journey now, whether you want to be on it or not. They didn't have a choice either.  
• If you have failed to be there for someone you care deeply for out of fear, see a member of the clergy for how to seek forgiveness with the Creator, your loved one, and yourself. Learn from spiritual experts how to make amends without adding to the pain your loved one suffers from their loss made much harder by your absence. It's never too late. 

Wolfelt, Alan. 100 Practical Ideas for Helping Someone You Love Through Loss

If you believe you or your loved one are too lost for redemption (which is never!)
If you find yourself in a situation where you weren't able to be there for someone you deeply care for in their hour of need, please know that it's never too late to make things right. Genuinely and deeply seeking forgiveness can be a difficult process, but it can also bring a great deal of healing. Consider speaking with a member of the clergy to learn how to seek forgiveness from the Creator, your loved one, and yourself. They can offer spiritual guidance and support as you navigate this difficult journey for yourself as well as the loved one you have hurt. While psychological counselors and therapists can also be helpful, this is about your soul and finding peace that comes acting in ways that are true to your deepest values, so I recommend seeking spiritual guidance from the clergy, spiritual directors, or pastoral care ministers in addition to therapy, if you need it. This life we have, as Mary Oliver put it, is our "one precious life." Don't hold onto the false belief that conflicts can be resolved in the next life. Instead, take steps now to make amends to honor your life and the relationship that has been damaged with the best that you can give.

Manning, Brennan. The Furious Longing of God.
Schuchts, Bob. Be Healed.