This part of my site is targeted at physical pain, but of course, physical pain and emotional pain are two sides of the same coin. They are processed in many of the same parts of the brain, making it impossible to disentangle them. Physical pain is associated with emotional pain; emotional pain is associated with physical pain.
When it dawns on us that our pain has been around for a while and everything we have done hasn't made it go away, we face the realization that our pain is probably here to stay. If that's happened to you, please know it's natural to feel hopeless and in despair sometimes. And you are in good company. Many of us feel like you do. Our lives will never be the same; so much has changed. During my physical chronic pain journey, starting when I suffered irreparable nerve damage from a botched surgery in 2012 which cascaded into other serious health issues including invasive lobular breast cancer, I have been there, many times.
The loss of my beloved son Chris during the pandemic was like a tsunami, on top of a tsunami, on top of a tsunami. But I've learned a few things about how to chip away at this monolith of pain because I've had to. As Michelangelo said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” Pain of every kind strips away the masks we feel we have to show the world. It's possible to get to the essence of who we really are, deep down, when we suffer any type of pain. But we can learn to regulate, at least some of our pain or the intensity of our pain, emotional and physical, by having tools for maintenance and emergency self care in all the domains of our life: Spirit, Mind, Body, Emotions, and Relationships.
Now that I have learned some tools for managing pain, I can reflect on some of the ways perhaps that I'm a better person than I might have been, without it.
Book: When Pain Persists (by Judy Foy, coming soon)
When it dawns on us that our pain has been around for a while and everything we have done hasn't made it go away, we face the realization that our pain is probably here to stay. If that's happened to you, please know it's natural to feel hopeless and in despair sometimes. And you are in good company. Many of us feel like you do. Our lives will never be the same; so much has changed. During my physical chronic pain journey, starting when I suffered irreparable nerve damage from a botched surgery in 2012 which cascaded into other serious health issues including invasive lobular breast cancer, I have been there, many times.
The loss of my beloved son Chris during the pandemic was like a tsunami, on top of a tsunami, on top of a tsunami. But I've learned a few things about how to chip away at this monolith of pain because I've had to. As Michelangelo said, “The sculpture is already complete within the marble block, before I start my work. It is already there, I just have to chisel away the superfluous material.” Pain of every kind strips away the masks we feel we have to show the world. It's possible to get to the essence of who we really are, deep down, when we suffer any type of pain. But we can learn to regulate, at least some of our pain or the intensity of our pain, emotional and physical, by having tools for maintenance and emergency self care in all the domains of our life: Spirit, Mind, Body, Emotions, and Relationships.
Now that I have learned some tools for managing pain, I can reflect on some of the ways perhaps that I'm a better person than I might have been, without it.
- I'm more compassionate when I see others who are suffering.
- Because I live in a slower world, I have the opportunity to notice more beautiful things around me. There is so much good in our world, often unnoticed by the hurried and the distracted.
- I'm able to do the things I want and need to do, including not doing, that is, to "do" nothing, to listen, see, and feel what the universe shows me and what it asks of me.
- Acutely aware of the precarity of life, I have thought very intentionally about what matters most to me:
- Being with and there for the people for whom I care and who treat me with loving care too. Everything I do centers on this priority.
- Doing what I can to complete what I feel called to, to be obedient to that, and to do it for God's glory, not mine.
- Share what I've learned along the way with other folks who live every day with pain that does not go away.
- I appreciate the good days and try to make the best of the not-so-good ones and to be grateful for all of them. As the poet Mary Oliver asks in the poem "Summer Day",
Doesn't everything die at last, and too soon?
Tell me, what is it you plan to do
with your one wild and precious life?
Speaking Engagements
I am available to speak virtually and in person at select locations in Southern California and north-west Montana on a variety of topics, including the following (see my tab on Grief Resources for other topics related to emotional pain):
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The Spirituality of Pain and Suffering (introduction, and a series)
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An Introduction to The Neuroscience of Chronic Pain (introduction and a series)
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Empowered Relief (see tab) - 2-hour class
Pain Coping Education
I am a trained facilitator of the American Chronic Pain Association (ACPA) and facilitate/co-facilitate no-charge support groups that meet monthly/bi-monthly. These meetings are held virtually and in person at select locations in Southern California and northwest Montana. In all ACPA support groups, facilitators have chronic pain themselves. The groups address the 10 steps “From Patient to Person” as well as topics selected by the members. Email me at Judith.Foy@lmu.edu for more information and to register for the free one-hour meetings. For more information and other providers on the ACPA see https://www.acpanow.com
I am also certified to teach Empowered Relief, a trade-marked pain management program developed by a Stanford pain psychologist. See my separate tab on Empowered Relief for more information. Based on strong scientific evidence from nationally funded research in the U.S., Canada, and Denmark, the single 2-hour class is held virtually and may be arranged for in person at select locations. Email me at Judith.Foy@lmu.edu for information and to register. Now delivered in 22 countries and 7 languages, Empowered Relief is offered as standard care for pain in multiple U.S. healthcare organizations, including Cleveland Clinic Spine Surgery and Cleveland Clinic Comprehensive Neurological Institute (led by Dr. Sara Davin), Lehigh Valley Health Network, Allegheny Health Network, Veterans Affairs Healthcare (Phoenix), and the Canadian VA.
Book: When Pain Persists (by Judy Foy, coming soon)